Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We need to get me chipped asap
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize