wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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