well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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