On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
