ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
