This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
my poor anus
The struggles of a small town man whore
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