therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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