Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
