Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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