Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
