just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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