I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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