the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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