Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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