Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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