I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
