i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
