and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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