Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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