zippers are such a cool invention
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
