You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
