She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
