I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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