I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize