they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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