I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
