Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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