No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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