nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
