I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
