next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
