So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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