I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
