Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
