my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
