It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
