Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
