If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just want nice things and good sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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