tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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