Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
