her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize