did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
