ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
