My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize