were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
