Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
