I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
