also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
