Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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