These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
