You're my little dorito
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
