You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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