The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
