Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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