Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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