Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
