I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
