Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
