I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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